Loud and Proud

Do you ever feel like this? I seem to have more days than not when I just want to "Hulk Smash" something. Why is it that we get our parents worst traits, and then pass on our worst traits to our own kids. That's so unfair. Life is unfair enough, I don't want my kids to turn out like me. I'm stubborn, hot tempered (thank you Italian grandma), loud (again Grandma's fault), no patience, then throw bipolar in the mix. Unfortunately, I act or talk before thinking things over when I'm annoyed or mad. I don't really give a crap if I offend people most of the time. If someone is offended, it's because they choose to be. I'm not purposely being mean to anyone. Bubba was pushed down and called the "n" word by a junior in high school at a baseball camp this fall. All because he was pitching well in whiffle ball. If I would've been there, I'm not sure what I would've done. Probably stormed over there, got in the kid's face and threaten to call the police. It would be hard not to just full on punch the kid in the face. Pick on someone your own size, bully. Sheesh.

I have two very stubborn children who also have no inside voice and hot tempered. Somehow there's a totally chill kid in our family. And then there's the Saint. Not sure where they came from. Actually, mellow boy is just like his Papa Bailey. Thank Heavens for that. And the Saint, well he just makes me want to be a better person. He's my hero. He may just be translated like Moses someday. And just to add insult to injury, with four kids, at least one of them is likely to be bipolar. At least I should be able to see the signs. I wish I would've known when I was younger. Maybe then I wouldn't have felt like I was losing my mind. Some days, I still feel like I am. Meds only do so much to make a person feel somewhat "normal".

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my boys. They also have awesome traits-incredibly loving and affectionate, kind to others (except for each other), funny, and well, just full on amazing. I know that God sent me these boys for a reason. I was meant to be a mother of all boys. I was a tomboy growing up. I hated dresses or curling my hair. Most of my friends in high school were boys. I had one best girlfriend, but everyone else I hung out with were boys. And I was a guy's girl. Burping loud, not afraid to pig out, loved shooting, grew up going to Angels' games. And now, I still love shooting, can shock my kids with my belches, love UFC (the more blood, the better), and I live for baseball season. I used to want a girl. Four times I did. But I came to realize after boy four was born, I didn't really want one. What would I do with a princess? I don't want to share the throne around here. I guess that makes me selfish, but my boys are learning from Dad how to treat a woman. He really is the greatest man I've ever known. And maybe, if I'm lucky, my boys will all grow up to be just like him.

Snow Much Fun

See how I did that with the title? We had snow much fun sledding today with Grandma. Since it only snows enough to sled like once year, we hit the hill today and had a blast. And I didn't break my tailbone this year, so that was a plus.

 Peanut got his first face full of snow with Grandma.

 Daddio and Bubba.

 Mama and JP. He was not a happy camper after that much cold snow in his face.

 Cute Coco after sledding down backwards.

 Grandma and Coco after he lost his beanie.

 Bubba's first face full of snow on this ride. He got hit like two more times.

Cute JP boy.

Fabulous Five Year Old

 Look what cute five year old lost his third tooth. He's the only one in Kindergarten to have lost that many teeth. It helps that brothers knocked a few loose this year.

My new favorite face he makes. He likes to make this face when we're trying to read scriptures before bed. He's really good at making everyone laugh. Random fun fact he told me today in the car: Polar bears can smell seals through five feet of ice. Never a dull moment with this kiddo around.

Baby, It's Frickin' Cold Outside

Man alive, it's cold out. That's my biggest complaint about living here. I seriously love everything else (okay, maybe not the slow drivers), but we have nice, hot summers, school is across the street from our neighborhood, we have great neighbors, we don't live right in town, it's safe enough for my kids to play outside and roam around the neighborhood. What more could a girl want? No snow! I hate snow. I hate everything about snow. I grew up in Southern California where it was 81 degrees one Christmas Day when I was sixteen. Those weenies down there are complaining right now because it's 55. I used to be one of those weenies. Now, when it's 55 out here, we bust out the short sleeves. It's currently 13 out and it's almost 3 pm. Gag! I have to drive my kids to school. It literally takes five minutes to walk from our house, and I have to stinkin' drive them because your face is frozen before you even make it to the sidewalk. It's not even Christmas and I'm ready for winter to be over. Give me 100 degrees any day of the week and I'm a happy girl.

Our house finally looks like Christmas is coming. We got our delicious smelling tree on Saturday and JP appointed himself Mayor of the Christmas village and set it all up-including who's in charge of each building. We set up our beautiful, new Nativity set that we just inherited from B's bonus-mom. I've always wanted one like it. I've learned to play a few songs on the piano. (Yes, I'm in my thirties and taking piano lessons). I'm done shopping and everything gets wrapped as soon as it comes in the door. I go straight to my closet, lock the door, wrap, and then hide them in boxes or bags (yes, even though they're wrapped). I don't let them put them under the tree until Christmas Eve. Those little buggers are at the age now where they want to shake things and guess what it is. Sometimes, it's hard to disguise the shape too. I caved and let them each bring one down Sat. night. I've even resorted to wrapping small things in big boxes and stuffing the boxes with extra tissue paper, magazine paper, or other stuffing so even if they shake it, they won't hear something rolling around. Made cookies last night and the kids will frost after school. Gonna decorate the gingerbread house tonight and possibly attempt to make some sort of candy to give to the neighbors with our cookies.

My sister is coming down for the holiday and to celebrate my fluffy bunny nephew's first birthday. We were also excited to find out that they will be moving back next month from seven hours away. The boys couldn't be more tickled to see their cousin all the time. And I'm sure my sister won't mind having a babysitter close so she and her husband can finally go on a date again. Plus, Meme is coming after Christmas for the New Year and Grandma Susan is coming after that. Woot! All in all, it's gonna be a great holiday season at our house. (Well, except for the sucky snow and icy roads).

If You're Crazy and You Know it, Shake Your Meds

I saw that on a T-shirt online, and it cracked me up. It made me laugh because that's how I think of myself at times. The people who know me well, know that I suffer from bi-polar disorder. But many of you don't know that about me. I'm very open about it, and decided I want to share my story.

My parents were divorced when I was barely older than my youngest is now, so I primarily grew up with my mom. She was re-married maybe a year later or so. The only happy childhood memories I have are from the time my mom and I lived with my grandparents while she was single and when they babysat me during the summers while she worked. That may sound harsh, but it's my reality. But that's a story for another post.
As a teenager, I had issues. I know all teenagers have issues, but I had some major stuff going on that kept me in a dark place mentally. I always wondered what was wrong with me. I know my junior high and high school friends can attest to the fact that I was extremely moody.

I had dark days, but then there were times when I felt like a total spaz. I was hyper, chatty, excited, productive... you get the idea. It's no wonder none of my boyfriends ever stuck around in high school, or college for that matter. That is, until I met my husband. I have no idea why or how he stuck with me, but lucky for me, he did. He never once called me crazy or asked what was wrong with me. He just loved me for the way I was. After I had our first baby, I got a little post-partum depression. After our second baby, I had it again. My doctor put me on Prozac. I thought it would help, but it didn't really seem to do anything. After the third baby, she put me on it again. After my last pregnancy, I took it again for awhile, but I didn't really see the point. Nothing seemed to help me.

Finally, a friend from church was talking with me one day about her depression issues. She told me she found a doctor who finally diagnosed her as bi-polar. I decided to go see him. It couldn't hurt, right? At my first visit, he asked me a million questions, starting with my youth up to the present. When he was done, he diagnosed me as being bi-polar and explained what that meant. A light bulb went on and I thought, "Ohhhh, that totally makes sense now." It was a great day. I finally knew what was wrong with me. I wasn't just completely crazy! That was a couple of years ago. Now, I'm on medication to stabilize my mood. Anti-depressants (like my doctor kept putting me on after having babies) don't help people who are bi-polar unless you also take a mood stabilizer. I joke about it now, "I have to refill my crazy pills," or "I have an appointment with my crazy doctor today."

I still don't know what a "normal" bad day feels like when my doctor asks me. I've never felt normal, so what does that mean? But I don't have days very often where I don't want to get out of bed or leave the house, hiding out in the dark. I still have low days sometimes, but not extremes like I used to. I do welcome the spaz days. Those are the days I get a lot done. I get into an OCD organization zone or I sit and write. Why am I telling you all of this? I'm not sure. As I've gotten older, I've decided I don't like keeping secrets. I'm done keeping hurtful secrets for other people, and so I'm open about all of it now. I want to share in case there are others like me out there, who have wondered their whole lives what is wrong with them. Don't be afraid to ask for help. And don't be afraid to suggest to a loved one that they might need help. This is something hereditary, so it's important to find out about it.

Merry Christmas 2012

Our family has been crazy busy again this year. Here's what we've been up to:

Bubba lives, eats, and breathes baseball. He practiced in our batting cage all last winter to prepare for this year's season. He played his first year of Majors and played on the Allstars team again this summer. He played baseball from March to the end of July, and plans to play fall ball next year so he can play for 7 1/2 months. He hit NINE homeruns this year! Woot! He also played his final year of football (his team only lost 2 games in four years). He earned 13 merit badges (the most of anyone) at his first year of scout camp this summer. He started 7th grade this year and is officially in middle school!

JP played his first year of AAA baseball this past spring. He also got some cool sports glasses to wear during the games. His sophomore football team went undefeated for the second year in a row! He played defensive guard, and was a complete beast on the field. When he puts his pads on, he turns into an animal! Football is his favorite sport now. He started 5th grade this year and continues to get straight A's. 

Peanut played Rookie baseball this year and had a great time. With two big brothers playing, he rocked it, and is definitely ready for AA this next season. He just finished playing basketball, which he loved. He is the first in our family to ever play basketball. He started 2nd grade this year and earned the first award of the year for being responsible.

Coco is our crazy boy. He hits baseballs in the garage with his brothers like a wild man, without even using a tee. He loves to attack his brothers with his mad ninja skills. He's mama's little buddy, and we have great conversations in the car while running errands about completely random things. He's very smart for a little guy. He started preschool this year and is doing a great job writing his name. 

I published my first book this year! I am currently working on the sequel, and just wrote another book in two weeks! I also started taking piano lessons-something I've wanted to do since I was a little girl. I keep busy driving my boys to all kinds of practices and love to watch my boys rock it on the baseball and football fields. 

Big Daddy loves his job at Morgan Stanley as a financial advisor. He was the assistant coach for both of Bubba's regular and Allstar seasons of baseball. He's such an awesome dad to spend so much time in the garage pitching to his boys all winter. He plans to coach Bubba's team this next year. He is also the secretary of our baseball league board.

As a family, we went to Disneyland this summer with my mom, brother, and sister-in-law. We had three fun days of both parks, went to the beach, took Bubba to do baptisms at the Newport Beach temple, went to an Angels game and saw Mike Trout hit a homerun, and visited my BFF from high school down in San Diego. We are so grateful for our Savior Jesus Christ and for this time of year when we celebrate his birth. We wish all of you a wonderful Christmas and best wishes for a fabulous new year.

I'm Not Missing

So, wow, the summer is gone and I haven't posted since... forever. We had a busy summer. We've had two birthdays in the family, our 14th anniversary, baseball season, and a trip to Disneyland. I'll post a few pictures just for highlights. Bubba did great during the summer Allstar season. He hit somewhere around 7 homeruns this season. He's a rockstar! He was also the lead off hitter. So fun to watch that boy. He also turned 12! He'll be starting 7th grade on Monday and is officially in Junior High. Ugh, when did I get this old? He had a great birthday party, with 3 friends coming over for his first big sleepover. Very loud, but they pretty much just played X-Box all night. They were impossible to wake up for baseball practice the next morning. I usually do a little list of all of the wonderful things about my boys on their birthdays. Here are just a few words I think of when I think of Bubba-baseball lover, diehard Yankees fan, cereal lover, happy, kind, eating machine, music lover, lovey, rockstar, and a good friend. He just started his final year of football practices the first week of August and has his first official game this Saturday morning. JP played baseball during the regular season, but opted not to play during summer. Although, he did get to substitute for a weekend tournament. He hit every single at bat all weekend and his team won a second place trophy. He enjoyed being bat boy for Bubba's team the rest of the time. He also had a birthday, turning 10. He's going into 5th grade this year! Words that describe JP-sensitive, loving, kind, trooper, happy, Harry Potter fanatic, speed reader, lover of books, eating machine, salmon lover, boy who will try anything once, snuggly, great hugs, great swimmer, and brave. He is also playing football this year. This is his second year of tackle. Peanut has been swimming very well this summer. He can go the entire length of the pool only taking one breath. He also played baseball during the regular season and wants to try basketball in the fall. He will be the first one to try the sport. He will already be in 2nd grade this year! Coco Krispy is a swimming machine. He jumps right in and swims to mom or the side. He is the best cannon baller of all times. He does perfect tens each time and even does front flips into the pool. He's not afraid of anything. He is a baseball machine in the backyard, can hit off of dad pitching, and even hits whiffle balls over the fence! He will be going to pre-school three days a week, so I'll have a three hour break three days a week! Disneyland was great. We had to do it during our two week break between baseball and football. We went down for a week and my mom, brother, and his wife came with us this year. The weather was fabulous. We did a day at Disneyland, one at California Adventure, then an Angels game the next day, then both parks again for a day, the beach and my best friend's house in San Diego, and then the Newport Beach temple before we left the last day. Bubba got to do baptisms for the dead for the very first time! It was great. We were able to stay with my Uncle and Aunt in California and B's Uncle and Aunt in Vegas. Thanks to them for free lodging! We got our fill of In N Out while we were there too. I did not get my fill of the beach. The water was pretty freezing, but the longer I stayed in, the better it was. I outlasted everyone. I told B that my inner California girl must have come out. We had a great time. Well, that's about it for some highlights. Hopefully you're still awake reading this.